Damaged Goods

Ok, friends, this is a tough one to write. As adults, we come out of our marriages damaged -- some a little more than others. Generally speaking, we have access to resources (financial, emotional, etc.) to help us along until we regain our equilibrium.

But what about the kids? I know mine were hurt, sad, mad, anxious and maybe a little relieved when their dad and I split. Still, three of my four boys took years to get over the fact that their dad and I weren't going to reconcile. As to other folks' kids, it's hard to know how they experience divorce or separation from a parent because we weren't there from start to finish.

So, we struggle to figure out what the voids are in our stepkids' lives and hope to heal them, maybe a little. My eyes are tearing up as I write this, because one of the Mr.'s boys is so desperately struggling and we don't know how to help him. I don't know how to help him. And as a mom, it breaks my heart. Part of me wants to steer clear of the whole thing, and part of me wants to jump in and just take over. Part of me tries to empathize with my stepson, and part of me is so pissed off because it seems like he's not trying, not asking for help or accepting it when offered. Unwilling to even recognize that there is a problem.

There are no drugs or alcohol involved, no pregnant girlfriends, so for that I'm grateful. Just a sweet young man who's been emotionally and academically whipped around so much he can't find his way.

Today, I am truly a tormented stepmom.

All the more reason to choose happy.