The Cool Mom

I'm pleased to report that despite the sweltering heat blanketing much of the nation, my oldest son's friends have decided that I am a "cool" mom. Who among us doesn't want to be the cool parent? It's not because I let them party or otherwise do inappropriate stuff at my house. I think it's because a) I always have good food around and welcome them to serve themselves (which they do!), b) because I let them know how much I appreciate it when they clean up after themselves, and c) because I talk to them, find out what they're interested in but don't try to be their friend, just an interested adult.

With all of the work and struggle that goes into parenting, these brief moments when you get kudos from your kids make it all feel good.

So stay cool, and choose happy.

Surprise!!!

Just had the great honor and pleasure of attending a surprise party for my sweet dear friend in Philly. She's a former neighbor whose move away several years ago hit me hard.

Her hubby threw her a lovely party -- great food, great friends and a beautiful setting, their elegant backyard. She was totally surprised and was in happy tears for the first hour of the evening.

That said, I don't think I'm surprise party material. I don't have the grace to pull myself together when surprised at seeing the faces of my most special and loved friends and family. So to my own sweet Mr., no surprises, please.

Stay happy!

On the Road...

I'm college-searching with one of my 17-year-old sons, EJ, and it's been an anxious time for me. EJ has been particularly upset/angry with me for months, still pissed that I got engaged, married and moved him into a new home with a new family. I get it; it's tough when you're a strong-minded, change-averse young person and change happens without your ok.

Put the need to start thinking about college on top of that and you have mom-directed anger in buckets. I've been really concerned that EJ would continue stiff-arming me throughout this trip, upending me efforts to get close and repair the damage in our relationship.

So this morning, as he lay sleeping in our HoJos motel room (conveniently located across the street from Dunkin' Donuts and next to a Perkins), I meditated. I used to turn to meditation quite often, but as life smoothed out, my need for it fell away.

It was difficult to stay focused, but I finally got "there" and it really did help soothe my mind.

I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of meditation for the next few days!

Stay happy.

The Funnies

Stuff that makes me chuckle --

1. David, my 23-year-old developmentally disabled stepson called the other night with "good news." He told me and the Mr. that he's going to work at Hooters. Now David has a very real, age-appropriate, appreciation for ladies with enhanced "assets" which he expresses as only he can -- imagine a non-threatening leer, big eyes and innocent smile (kind of like how I feel about chocolate!) The thought of him working there made me and the Mr. nearly cry with laughter. In truth, David got an employment application but aint' no way he's going to work there!

2. Sighting while getting my hair colored this morning -- a 50-something "stylist" wearing a tube top, pleather jacket and harem pants. Interesting combo.

A tisket, a tasket, that darned basket

How many times are we told not to put our eggs all in one basket? But when it comes to loving your kids, how can you help but be all in? Loving them a little is like being a little pregnant - just doesn't happen. You might not like them all the time, but loving them? I don't think that stops.

So I'm having a particularly difficult time with the fact that one of my teenage sons is quite angry with me. I didn't do anything deliberately mean to him, but in his worldview, he deserves to be cold and withdrawn from me. As a parent, I know I'm supposed to rise above his anger and remain loving, patient, etc. As a person, it's difficult to stay open to someone who's so committed to his angry resolve.

Any suggestions?

Seeking meaning...

So half-way through the day, I realized that I had my yoga pants on backward. I remedied the situation immediately but here's the interesting thing -- it's not like my pants were baggy in the front from having been worn on my backside.

Does that mean my butt is as big as my belly? Bummer....

Good for a giggle and one way to pick happy.

Weekend with the Stepsons

So the Mr. had to go out of town last week to take care of some business and I was in charge of my two stepsons who live with us. Developmentally disabled but socially-enabled David was busy making plans that would have kept me driving all over the place if I hadn't said, "Enough!" Happily, he agreed that perhaps staying home one night, eating pizza and watching one of his many movies would be ok.

As to my 15-year-old stepson, he needed to study for finals. You might recall that studying -- in fact anything related to school -- is not his favorite thing. In the past he's declared that homework isn't for him and that he doesn't need to study. I tried re-positioning it as a review session, but he's no dummy. My angst and anxiety at not getting him to adequately prepare for finals had me in knots, but he was totally chill.

Grades haven't come back yet so we don't know how he did yet, but he did mention that perhaps things would have been easier if he'd done the homework. Hallelujah, an itsy bitsy teeny weeny light at the end of the tunnel!