Sam*, the husband of a dear friend, shared his take on step-parenting. I've edited slightly, but it's a great lesson in preparedness!
I had anticipated the 'You're not my dad and can't tell me what to do!' moment, so the wife and I had a prepared line ready for when it came, as of course it did. I very calmly said: 'You're right, Joe*, I'm not your Dad and I could never take his place. But I did promise to love your Mom and help her finish raising you so you need to get in the house right now and do your job."
It was unbelievable. Joe went from being a puffed up, angry little dude to a deflated balloon, schlumping back into the house. That part was hard to see, but good, too, because honestly, Joe has never again challenged my authority.
Another idea from Sam:
When I became a stepdad, Joe was 10. To help establish and define my role in Joe's life, I declared myself to be Joe's "Spare" as in Spare Dad - as in spare tire. Like a spare tire, I would always be there if he needed me, but I would never try to take over Joe's dad's role. Seven years later, aside from the usual bumps in the road, it's all good.
*not his real name
No comments:
Post a Comment