Okay, comrades in step-parenting -- how do you handle it when your stepchild is recalcitrant, negative and unwilling to do what even THEY know is the right thing to do? I've just about had my share of negotiating, discussing and otherwise trying to help. On the one hand, I know this is an opportunity for me to really help this young man who has so desperately needs boundaries and support. On the other hand, I'm human and have my limits (not to mention my own biological kids and their needs/crises, work, etc.).
HELP!
Dear Writer:
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are having to deal with such. It does make life easier when children work with adults to help them create a good life for themselves. I really don't have a good suggestion for your situation, but I really can understand how you feel.
Would you mind if I ask how old is your stepson? What is his personality type? Where is his mom? Who has full custody? Does his dad discipline him? Does his dad support your choice of discipline? Please understand, I have been following your blog because of simular issues, and like you I have questions concerning the behavior of my now adult stepchildren.
Hey there. My stepson is 15 and really has had a rough ride. His mom lives out-of-state, discipline does not come easily to my husband but he supports my efforts. My stepson can be incredibly sweet and I think truly understands the needs for boundaries, etc. but if there's an easier way out, he'll take it. I cycle through wanting to help to wanting to stop trying. But he's a kid, right, and we're the adults, so not trying anymore just doesn't seem like an option.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments. I knew there were others out there like me, struggling to figure it all out.
"Struggling to figure it all out?" In my case it is more like pounding my head on a brick wall. I really don't understand but do I? I think you have a better handled on things. :) I truly love reading your confessions. At this point I am searching for answers as to how a person could be so mean.
ReplyDeleteI have heard of birth parents who do horrible things to prevent their children from loving the other parent, but I have never seen it in action until now. My loving and caring position as a parent and stepmom just leaves me in limbo with a broken heart for the children who grew up not knowing truth and without a fathers love.
Take Care!